Psychotherapist Jackie

Working from home during COVID19 pandemic

If your entire household is both working from home and attending school from home, you might be feeling overwhelmed with anxiety due to not knowing how to fit everyone comfortably into a small space, while at the same time being able to get your work done and making sure your kids are completing their school work. It is very likely that boundaries will be crossed during this time due to all family members sharing the same space on a constant daily basis.

Here are some tips to help you set healthy boundaries that can in turn reduce anxiety.

Hold a family meeting during which everyone will decide which rooms each person of the household will occupy during work/school hours.
Members of your family might have different work hours, so it is important to clarify what your start and end times will be for each weekday. Writing out everyone’s schedule and room assignment on a white board and hanging it up in the kitchen can serve as a nice reminder for all so that no one will be disturbed.
Explaining the importance of why it is crucial for everyone to respect each other’s space and time, especially during work/school hours.
Consider Including recreational alone time into the room assignment schedule. For example, if both you and your partner work out of the same room during the day and that room has a television which you both would love to watch your separate shows on, then go ahead and book that room for a specific day and time so you can enjoy your alone time either after work or on the weekends.

Scheduling alone time is important because spending so much time with others can start to feel overwhelming. During your alone time, consider reading a book/magazine, listening to your favorite music, meditating, watching your favorite t.v. show, exercise, drawing/painting, etc. These relaxing activities will calm your nerves and soothe your soul. They will also energize you and you’ll feel less overwhelmed about being quarantined in a small shared space. Remember to book your alone time by writing it on that white board so everyone knows not to disturb you.

5 Tips for Calming Job Interview Jitters

So you applied to your dream job and now you got the call to book the interview! Congrats! You’re super excited but also really nervous because now you have to prove to the prospective employer that you are the best candidate for the job. Here are some tips for staying cool, calm and collected on the big day….

#1: Prepare by doing research about what kind of questions you might be asked. Type into Google: interview questions for managers/ lawyers/doctors/teachers/accountants/ etc. Write these down along with your answers. Review the questions and answers daily.

#2: Prepare a list of questions you’d like to ask the employer about the company and the job. In addition, google what questions to ask interviewers in any given field.

#3: Research the company and the interviewer. Read about the interviewer’s accomplishments and any articles or books they may have written. Think about and write down what comments or questions you can ask during the interview in regards to their accomplishments. In addition, gather information about the company such as when it was founded, who founded it, the mission statement and its successes.

#4: Practice mental visualization daily. The way to do mental visualization is to lay flat on your back, close your eyes and imagine it is the day of the interview. Using the memory of all your 5 senses, visualize yourself getting up that morning feeling good and happy. You see yourself getting out of bed, making the bed, making and eating your breakfast, washing up, getting dressed in a suit, putting on your shoes and coat, taking your briefcase and heading out the door. Imagine you can smell your coffee and taste your breakfast, feel the temperature of the water on your skin and hear the sound of the water, taste the minty toothpaste, feel the material of your clothes, feel the handle of the briefcase as you clutch it in your hand. Imagine the scenery on the way to the train, bus or car. Pay attention to the colors of the trees, buildings, stores, street signs. You can hear the traffic outside, the sound the car, bus or train makes. Imagine you’re listening to your favorite music or podcast on the way to the interview. Use your memory of the melody and voice of the singer or host. Imagine walking into the building where the interview will be held and feeling confident. Imagine sitting in the waiting area and being called by the interviewer. Imagine shaking their hand. Imagine the interview itself going really well and after the interview you feel proud of yourself and confident that you did so well. Remember you’re using the memory of all your five senses while paying attention to all the details.

#5: Do breathing exercises every morning upon waking up and every evening at bedtime. While laying flat on your back, close your eyes and take a breath in through your mouth to the count of 5…1, 2, 3, 4, 5. Then hold the breath to the count of 5…1, 2, 3, 4, 5. Then slowly release the breath through your mouth to the count of 5…1, 2, 3, 4, 5. That is one set. Do at least three sets but the more sets you do, the more relaxed you will feel. If 5 is uncomfortable for you, then try it to the count of 4 or 3. The day of the interview, squeeze in an extra three sets on the train, bus or in the car after you’ve arrived and parked.

Good luck with the interview!!

Insurance

Why I don’t accept insurance:

Insurance companies dictate to providers how to administer treatment in terms of how long the sessions should be and how many sessions the insurance company thinks you need in order to feel better.

Therapy is a process. And every person is an individual and has different therapeutic needs and comes into treatment with a unique set of circumstances, therefore, it takes a different amount of time for each unique individual to heal.

In addition, insurance companies have the right to inquire about the specifics of your treatment if they are paying for in-network claims which makes a lot of people uncomfortable due to the limitations of privacy.

If you have out of network benefits, then once you meet your deductible your insurance company will provide you with reimbursement for each session based on your plan.

How I work

Anxiety:

I utilize cognitive behavioral therapy, strengths perspective and mindfulness to treat anxiety. I teach how to reality test anxieties, calming techniques such as breathing exercises and guided imagery. In addition, I help with increasing confidence which will in turn also help with defeating anxiety.

Romantic and interpersonal relationships:

I utilize attachment-based therapy by providing psychoeducation about attachment theory and helping you understand what your attachment style is as well as teaching how to recognize the attachment styles of others. As you begin to understand how different attachment styles interact with one another, you’ll gain a better understanding of yourself and your relationships.

Career and Stress Management:

If you’re looking to find a healthy work/life balance, we’ll work together on prioritizing your career and personal goals. I use CBT to help clients feel less overwhelmed with the demands of their daily responsibilities.

OCD:

I utilize CBT, Mindfulness and Exposure and Response Prevention therapy to help clients overcome the strong psychological pull of obsessions and compulsions.

The Benefits of Tele-therapy

Save Time: no need to spend time stuck in traffic or commuting via any other method to your appointment.
Save Money: no need to spend money on gas, train or bus in order to commute to your session.
Consistency: with online therapy, bad weather (especially in the winter) won’t stop you from missing your appointments.
Comfort and Convenience: you can receive the help you need in the comfort of your own home without the need to travel to the office.
Easier Access: freedom of choice to choose if you want therapy via phone or video.
Work/Life Balance: no need to ask your boss if you can leave work early to make it on time for your appointment.

Is your partner healthy for you?

10 signs your partner isn’t healthy for you

1. Your partner is controlling – tells you how to dress, how to behave or expects you to act on command.

2. Your partner is disrespectful – acts as if your feelings, thoughts,and opinions do not matter.

3. Your partner is unappreciative – never thanks you for your efforts and all that you do for the relationship, never goes out of their way to make you feel loved and appreciated.

4. Your partner is unreliable – you cannot depend on your partner because he/she has never followed through on their word and always has excuses for why they did not follow through.

5. Your partner lies – everyone lies but this person lies on a continual basis and then when you catch them in a lie, they’ll deny it.

6. Your partner never apologizes when in the wrong – you are the one who is made to feel as though everything that is wrong with the relationship is your fault because he/she refuses to take responsibility for his/her actions.

7. Your partner does not respond to calls or texts in a timely manner – and when you finally do talk, does not even make mention of the fact that your text message went unanswered 8 hours ago.

8. Your partner tells you they love you but their actions show otherwise – does nothing to back up words of love with actions of love.

9. Your partner is selfish – everything is about what he/she wants from which movie to go see, where to go on vacation to where the two of you will live.

10. Your partner is manipulative – says things to make you feel guilty even when you did nothing wrong, just to get things done their way.

When is the right time to make your relationship official on Facebook?

If your relationship is important to you, then you won’t be worried about making it official on social media. People who have strong relationships do not display their affection for each other on their social media accounts. Your relationship is private, and therefore, has no place on social media. So if you’re wondering when is the right time to make your relationship official on social media, the answer is never.

But if you are determined to change your relationship status on Facebook, then it is advisable to approach your partner by using “I” statements when expressing why you would like to change your status online. For example, “I” statements such as “I feel”, “I need”, “I want” to help you express yourself. If the two of you feel comfortable about changing your relationship status online, then it’s important to set boundaries about what will be posted in the future and how frequently posts regarding your relationship will be made, if any at all. If you are changing your relationship status online to let the world know you are off the market, then that should come at a time when the both of you know that you are invested in one another and no longer are interested in dating other people.

De-stress before bedtime

In order to increase the chances of getting a good night’s rest, one can engage in these simple and relaxing rituals prior to bedtime. To help reduce stress, it is important to incorporate a winding down routine in the evenings. Such a routine can include:

Reading a book

Reading is proven to reduce stress and increase a sense of calm. So cuddle up in bed or on the couch with an interesting book and enjoy!

Listening to soft classical music

Search youtube or ask Alexa to play classical music for relaxation or for sleep. This will be very soft music that will put you at ease and melt away your stress.

Taking a warm bath with scented soaps or salts

Make bathtime extra relaxing by using aromatherapy. Pick out soothing scents such as lavender or citrus to help improve your mood. For extra aromatherapy, light a scented candle in the bathroom that will complement the scent of your soaps or bath salts.

Turning on white noise

White noise is extremely soothing. You can leave it on in the background while you read, take a bath or are under the covers and ready to fall asleep.

Mindful meditation

Meditation is a useful tool for relieving stress. It can take some time to get the hang of it but if you invest the time, you’ll reap the reward. It teaches you how to be in the current moment which is crucial to reducing stress associated with concerns about your future, near or far.

Breathing exercises

There are different types of breathing exercises you can do that can help you relax and de-stress. One is called square breathing which requires you to either sit comfortably or lay down flat on your back and close your eyes. Make sure your limbs are not crossed and are in a relaxed position on your sides. Breathe in through your nose while at the same time drawing the first line of a square. Then breathe out through your nose while drawing the second line, breathe in again while drawing the third line and finally breathe out for the last time while drawing the fourth line. Pay attention to the color of the lines. You can do this exercise as many times as you feel is necessary. I would recommend at least three times.

Another breathing technique that can be very helpful is done by breathing in through your mouth to the count of 5, holding your breath to the count of 5 and slowly releasing your breath through your mouth to the count of 5. Remember to only breathe through your mouth. This technique also requires you to sit or lay down flat, uncrossing your limbs and closing your eyes. In order to feel any effect from this breathing exercise, you must do at least three sets but the more sets you do, the more relaxed you will feel.

Links to Articles I’ve been Featured in

https://www.nbcnews.com/better/lifestyle/how-mourn-breakup-so-you-can-truly-move-ncna1034181

https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/am-i-dating-a-narcissist

https://www.soulfulfillinglove.com/he-looks-at-other-women-what-should-i-do/

https://www.soulfulfillinglove.com/is-he-serious-about-me-or-just-playing/

https://www.therapyroute.com/therapist/jackie-krol-new-york-united-states

The Concept of Soulmates

The Concept of Soulmates

It’s probably safe to say that a lot of people believe in soulmates. But is that a healthy ideal to strive for within your romantic relationships? First, let’s define soulmates. Soulmates are viewed as two souls who belong together so essentially two people who are perfect for each other. A couple who was meant to be together. Perfection.

But I thought the old sayings “Nobody’s perfect” and “There’s no such thing as perfect” were true? That’s right…perfection doesn’t exist. So then how could soulmates exist? Well, they don’t. But that doesn’t mean you can’t have a soul mate.

Confused?

I’ll explain.

When two people who are both searching for the same things out of life and share the same mentality on life, relationships and marriage come together, they can MAKE each other their soul mates. How you ask? Well, by making a conscious choice to love each other, continuously help each other on this journey called life and make their life plans and strive for those life plans together. These two people actually help each other ACHIEVE their life plans, since they are on the same course in life. This is a more realistic definition of soulmates.

They make each other feel as though they BELONG together. They don’t just cosmically, instantly feel as though they belong together. You don’t “just know” when you meet the right person. This continued belief in a fairytale type of love story only prevents people from having a fulfilling relationship. The constant search for The One and The One being this cosmic connection is a faulty way to think about and approach love and relationships. There are many people in this world who can be The One…No, you say? Because if there were so many options then why are you still single or why haven’t you met your other half yet? Well, think about it. There are billions of people in this world…so there are lots of chances to meet a person who will share a similar outlook on life as you do. Also, evaluate how you’ve been approaching your search. With what mentality have you been dating? Do you disregard someone right away with whom you had an “okay” time with on a first date? First impressions aren’t always great. People are nervous on 1^st dates, so they may be unable to put their best foot forward and show you their stellar personality. Maybe it’s worth it to go on a 2nd or even 3^rd date with this person.

Are you only looking for chemistry? Is chemistry the MOST important thing to you on a date? And if you don’t feel it right away, do you disregard the person as not being The One or your soulmate? True chemistry grows slowly as the bond between two people develops slowly. True chemistry that is developed over time will last a lifetime. But that instant chemistry or that instant cosmic feel won’t last for too long and once it fades, so does the relationship. So think about if you want a temporary cosmic excitement that will go down in flames or a long-lasting bond that is built over time and, will therefore, be most rewarding. It’s important to continuously re-evaluate one’s approach to love and relationships in order to make sure one is not in search of something that doesn’t exist. What happens when one is living in the real world but searching for something that only exists in fairytales? The search won’t be very productive.